We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
