Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
