I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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