I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
