Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
