Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
