not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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