He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
