so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
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Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
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My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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