I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
