I hate your face
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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