I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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