What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's official drugs can't kill me
The chlamydia really affected his face.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
