In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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