i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
