I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
