you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
