So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
