how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
