I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
