Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
