Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
