My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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