question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
