I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
