I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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