If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
