Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
