I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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