this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
