we have officially lost it.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
