I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
the liver wants what the liver wants
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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