there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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