I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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