Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
