My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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