the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
