I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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