A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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