totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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