If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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