hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
