these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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