Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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