what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i barfeds in our rink
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
