Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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