I'm eating all of the evidence.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
