You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
