i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
