your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
