Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
