i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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