dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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