You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
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let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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