Your dad touched me again.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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