If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.