My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best