there's paper in my vomit.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
