I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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