Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
