oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
