The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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