It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Randomize
