i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I stole a fireplace last night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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