nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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