he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
