So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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