She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
