Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
