i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
